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Monty Python Invades Texas?
by James R. "Mad Dog" Morgan Sr.
Well, it isn’t really an invasion, but
they did take over the field for a bit. The Texas Revolution, a series
of yearly scenario games run by Viper Enterprises at Paintball U.S.A. brought
one of the most beloved and fun scenario themes in paintball history to
Texas. About 4 years ago, Michael “ Blue” Hanse
The Event covered the three days from
the 6th through the 8th of April. The first day encompassing a pump
game only, with the second and third day covering the 24-hour scenario
game. In addition to the characters and special situations, the Viper
Scenario Games are very desirable simply because this is one of the few
events where “Burst” “Turbo” and “Full Auto” markers are allowed as well
as paintball cannons
The game contained many unusual characters and scenes to promote the fun that had been taken straight off the movie, these are just some that I saw:
1. The moose from the opening credits (only mentioned in the opening credits, but was played by “Bullwinkle”.
2. The Overrated Black Knight. Played by “Chronos”. Determined to let no one pass through his woods and will challenge all. Shoot him in the arm, he can’t use it but will switch to the other. Shoot his foot off, he’ll hop on the other.. You gotta hit him in the chest to get him to stop.
3. The Ole Man from Scene 24 / Keeper
of the Bridge of Death. “He who approacheth the Bridge of Death must
answer me these questions three.. Err the other side he see.
4. Castle Anthrax.. A castle/bunker occupied entirely by females (although not all between 16-19 as in the movie.) Castle Anthrax is not an objective to be taken, but a player who found a colored paddle on the field can take it to Anthrax for prizes or penalties (ranging from game props to a real spanking).
5. A real wedding; This one is also
doesn’t completely follow the script as Prince Prim (played by Robert Janczak
) actually does marry Princess Lucky (Karen) in a ceremony presided by
6. The Witch and the Duck who weighs the same make an appearance.
7. Tim the Enchanter. Who marches all over the field setting off pyrotechnics and taunting players.
8. The Knights who say “NI”. A team of players who set up in the center section of woods and will engage all whom do not appease them with a shrubbery.
9. An appearance by the “Horrible Black Beast of Arrgh”, a beautifully well done painting on a very strategic bunker.
10. Three ways of being recycled: (1.) Going to a recycle station and going in every quarter hour. (2.) Getting a ‘Medic” to come over and “heal” you within 1 minute of your demise. Or (3.) Finding the man banging a gong and yelling, “Bring Out Your Dead!” and paying him his ninepense (aka dime).
11. The White Rabbit.. The meanest, most foul, ruthless, and vicious rodent this side of a New York City Sewer Rat… completely invulnerable to normal paintball fire and can only be eliminated by a “Holy Hand Grenade”.
12. “Riding a Horse”. In a variation
of “Helicopter Insertions”, a player is mounted and cannot shoot or be
shoot back while he is clanking together two halves of a coconut and skipping
13. Players at random would become a
victim of the dreaded Monty Python Sketch “the Spanish Inquisition”.
This scenario team, who took its name from the actual sketch, spent much
of the first day performing it on players of both sides. A player
would be seized, placed in the comfortable chair, given the (dish) Rack,
Iron Maiden (or should I say Inflatable Plastic), or
14. The Trojan Rabbit… On STEROIDS.
This year it’s a remote control car complete with a full auto shocker and
500 rounds of ammo… He doesn’t stand in front of doors any longer. He
15. The Taunting Frenchmen and the Rain
of Stuffed Animals: During most of the action around Castle Arrgh.
A player from both sides would have to watch out for a barrage of stuffed
The scenario game brought over 900 players from all over the country and the southwest. ‘Blue’ himself was the special guest of honor. The two sides for this scenario consisted of the Knights and Royals led by King Arthur and the Serfs and Peasants lead by Dennis. Both sides would try to secure the “Holy Grail” and perform missions for points while painting as many of the opposition as possible.
As you can see by the pictures, the
game consisted of an huge opening Speedball battle between 500+ players,
which then became a scenario game with several reoccurrence of
During the dinner break, a mortar tournament
was held. Those teams who paid the entrance fee would be allowed
to fire one of two mortars (provided by T&M Ordinance) and
For those of you who’ve never played
night games, then you’ve never experienced “Pure Paintball”. This
is the one time where “Firepower” doesn’t mean anything. In fact,
those electronic semis with those little flashing lights tell you where
to fire. Shooting all that paint is great when you can see
The next day the silliness and battle
continued anew. In the end, the Serfs led by Dennis managed to find
and secure the “Holy Grail” and secure enough point to win despite their
near annihilation in the final climactic battle around Castle Argh.
Kevin “Kocker” Kolinski, who played Dennis is retiring from
The Viper Scenario Games are well-run
and well-regarded events. And being one of the only places where
you can use equipment that is banned from other fields/games. You
should think about coming to any of the ones in your area. Look at
the Viper Scenario’s Homepage in Warpig.
M. V. Team(s)
M. V. Player(s)
Cast of Characters
Special Thanks to Major Sponsors
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